Ever asked yourself, "Am I good enough?" We touched on it a bit in our last email....but it's the question that keeps on giving!
What exactly does it mean "Am I good enough?" Does it mean am I good enough to breathe... to speak...to take up space....to enjoy life? This question is alive for most of us and I'm inspired to tackle it after receiving this message:
"No matter how successful I am in my work and know I'm a good person, underneath I always feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like a fraud! What 's wrong with me?"
from Diana from North Bay ON
In my work, I hear this question from people every day....so let's dive in and navigate this one!
Years ago I worked with a large group of people and everyone was invited to share one thing they didn't want others to know about themselves. Every single person shared some variation of not feeling good enough or not feeling worthy! It was an eye-opener for me. If you're experiencing this, perhaps there's some relief knowing you're not the only one!
No matter how successful we are in life, our income level, education, background, whether we're in a relationship or not; we all have to learn how to manage this part of our mind! None of us gets passed this "dragon" without having to deal with it in some way!
The bad news first....
Here's a couple of ways most of us learned to deal with this dragon in our minds which is a huge part of the problem:
1. We constantly work to drown out the sound of the voice that says "are you enough, no you're not" voice!
This takes endless effort! Just like the dishes or laundry - it's a job that NEVER ends! Drugs, alcohol, shopping, Netflix, social media, working, catering to everyone, these are often the tools we reach for. They help us drown the endless commentary in our minds. Whatever the addiction is, trust it has a lot to do with trying to silence the dragon within!
The bad news is that there's nothing that can consistently drown this voice out!
2. We're enslaved by the dragon!
When we're enslaved by the dragon, we do everything to try to prove our worth and value. We believe if we can just show how amazing, good, successful, smart and brilliant we are it will finally satisfy this voice.
The bad news is there's no amount of brilliance that will quiet this dragon! We live life in an endless spin cycle with some fantasy that sometime in the future we will be good enough. Don't fall for that one!
The good news!!!!
Tame the dragon! Tame your mind. Here's the reality folks:
Either we learn to "tame the dragon" or we spend our whole life trying to ignore it or please it.
Like our shadow. We can run from it all our life, but we'll never get rid of it. However, if we understand what it is, it doesn't have to freak us out anymore.
When we learn to understand and manage our dragon mind, we can feel good enough and put all our energy into living life!
Here's what you need to know right now to get unstuck from your dragon mind:
Don't try to reason with the dragon!!!!
No amount of affirmations or accomplishments will ever convince this part of your mind that you're worthy. When we try to convince it, we get caught in a loop of constantly proving our worth. We call it "being stuck" or depressed and anxious.
Understand the dragon's true intention is your survival at all costs!
It could care less if you're happy or content in your life. Your dragon is your loyal bodyguard. It works relentlessly in any way possible to keep you safe. The "I'm not good enough" idea is one of the main tools it employs.
If you believe you aren't good enough then you won't go out into the dangerous world where you might get hurt. Recognize your dragon loves you so much it will convince you to cancel your life and stay under the covers where you are safe.
Being small and unseen is an old way we learned to keep ourselves safe. Most of us haven't learn how to take up the space we truly need and remain safe.
Our most important job is to learn how to manage our mind so we can live well. If we learn how to keep ourselves safe in our mind then we can harness the power of our mind! Yes, the power of a dragon! Wowie!
Think Droofus the Dragon. A beast feared throughout the kingdom, until a little boy tamed him. Now Droofus works joyfully and tirelessly for the little boy and the whole Kingdom to remove the rocks from their soil.
Wouldn't it be great if you could tame your inner dragon? It could remove all the inner rocks so you could continue to grow!